Pea Patch Podlings
Terror Tale by Arthur Wyatt
SUBBED
Page 1
Panel 1:
The exterior of a posh, but slightly creepy looking mansion at night. The building sits in a walled courtyard, and outside of the walls we see similar buildings in what is evidently quite a posh bit of London.
Caption: KENSINGTON, WEST LONDON. THE FORMER RESIDENCE OF RECENTLY DECEASED ACTRESS VIVIAN BENAVIDE. KIND OF A CREEPY PLACE TO SPEND A SUNDAY NIGHT.
Scream (from inside house): AAAAAAIIIIIEEEEE!
Panel 2:
Two people stand in a doorway, looking towards us. Laidlaw is a skinny, tall man in his 30s in a rumpled mackintosh coat. Hipster glasses and a scraggly beard finish off the ensemble. At the moment he is looking a little sheepish. Ms Emerson is a professionally dressed woman, somewhat stiff, her face is pinched in a look of near permanent disapproval.
Ms. Emerson: MR LAIDLAW! I THOUGHT YOU WERE A PROFESSIONAL JOURNALIST! GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF!
Laidlaw: SORRY, MS EMERSON. I WASN’T QUITE READY FOR THIS…
Panel 3:
Large panel. We’re looking into the room with Laidlaw and Ms. Emerson. Every wall is lined with shelves, and on the shelves are hundreds and hundreds of dolls, of all shapes and sizes: barbie dolls, baby dolls, plastic dolls and cloth dolls, old dolls and new dolls.
Caption: IT’S TRUE. SHE’D PROMISED ME SOMETHING ‘SHOCKING’ ON THE LATE STAR OF STAGE AND SCREEN, AND WANTED A HEFTY SUM FOR IT, BUT I’D NEVER EXPECTED A ROOM FULL OF THE ONE THING THAT SETS OFF AN IRRATIONAL, ALMOST PHOBIC FEAR IN ME…
Laidlaw: DOLLS JUST REALLY CREEP ME OUT.
Panel 4:
Laidlaw leans down to inspect one of the dolls – a Pea Patch Podling, a doll shaped like a cartoonish, big cheeked approximation of a pudgy toddler, rendered in cloth. It more than slightly resembles an oversized cabbage patch doll. Ms Emerson, looking annoyed, stands nearby and talks.
Laidlaw: BRRR. PEA PATCH PODLING. MY SISTER HAD ONE OF THESE, LORD REST HER SOUL.
Ms. Emerson: THE MOST RECENT ADDITION TO THE BENAVIDE COLLECTION. PAID THROUGH THE NOSE FOR IT, TOO.
Panel 5:
Ms Emerson shows Laidlaw a cardboard box full of paperwork.
Ms Emerson: IT’S ALL HERE, DOCUMENTED. TENS OF THOUSANDS OF POUNDS SPENT ON THE THINGS.
LINK: TEN YEARS I SPENT LOOKING AFTER HER EVERY WHIM, BEING PAID A PITTANCE. AND THEN SHE GOES AND HANGS HERSELF. DOES SHE LEAVE ANYTHING IN HER WILL FOR ME? DOES SHE HELL.
LINK: I WON’T EVEN HAVE A PLACE TO LIVE WHEN THEY THROW ME OUT AT THE END OF THE WEEK. SHE ONLY THOUGHT OF HERSELF AND HER STUPID DOLLS.
Panel 6:
Laidlaw holds the box and squints at a piece of paper he’s taken from it,
Laidlaw: WELL, THIS IS ALL VERY INTERESTING, AND LIKE I SAY THE DOLLS ARE PRETTY CREEPY, BUT ‘DEAD ACTRESS HAS SECRET DOLL COLLECTION’ ISN’T REALLY THAT MUCH OF A HEADLINE, IS IT?
Page 2:
Panel 1:
Laidlaw leaves the house, and is walking down the tree lined street, wind whipping at his coat. He’s tucking something into his inside coat pocket – the piece of paper he was squinting at earlier.
Caption: WE ARGUE BACK AND FORTH OVER THE FEE, AND IN THE END I LEAVE HER WITH SOMETHING LESS THAN SHE EXPECTED AND SLIGHTLY MORE THAN I WAS HAPPY LAYING OUT.
Caption: STILL, THE STORY MIGHT NOT BE COMPLETELY UNWORKABLE.
Panel 2:
Laidlaw is at home now, in front of a computer on a cluttered desk. He’s currently looking at a doll related website called “DOLLHAUS”.
Caption: FIRST PORT OF CALL: THE INTERNET.
Caption: LIKE ANY SELF-RESPECTING GROUP OF WEIRDOS WITH AN OBSCURE INTEREST, DOLL COLLECTORS HAVE THEIR OWN WEBSITES, FORUMS AND POSTING BOARDS WITH ‘WANTED’ AND ‘FOR SALE’ ADS.
Panel 3:
A store display of Pea Patch Podling dolls. Each doll is individualized to be slightly different from the next.
Caption: IT’S NOT HARD TO FIND EVERYTHING I NEED TO KNOW ON THE PEA PATCH PODLINGS.
Caption: THE MUST HAVE TOY OF CHRISTMAS 1983, THEIR UNIQUE SELLING POINT WAS THAT EACH DOLL WAS INDIVIDUALISED, WITH MINUTE MANUFACTURING DIFFERENCES FROM DOLL TO DOLL. EACH DOLL ALSO CAME WITH ITS OWN NAME AND BIRTH CERTIFICATE.
Panel 4:
Close up of the doll’s logo, which reads PEAS PATCH PODLINGS in an elaborate script, possibly inside a stylized pea-pod. Some of the letters are linked with each other into an arcane cabalistic looking shape.
Caption: ADULTS FOUND THE THINGS AS CREEPY AS KIDS FOUND THEM ADORABLE, AND A BACKLASH WAS NOT LONG IN COMING.
Caption: CHRISTIAN GROUPS COMPLAINED THAT ‘APOPTING’ AN INANIMATE DOLL PAVED THE WAY FOR PAGAN IDOL WORSHIP. AN URBAN MYTH STARTED THAT THE PEA PATCH PODLINGS LOGO CONTAINED THE SIGIL FOR THE DEMON ASMODEUS.
Caption: AFTER A STRING OF ACCIDENTS THE DOLLS DEVELOPED A REPUTATION FOR ATTRACTING BAD LUCK.
Panel 5:
A black and white photograph of a burned out factory.
Caption: THERE WERE EVEN REPORTS OF A DOLL TALKING TO ITS OWNER IN A STRANGE DEMONIC VOICE. MY COMPLIMENTS TO WHICHEVER LONG-FORGOTTEN HACK CAME UP WITH THAT ONE.
Caption: IN 1984 THE FACTORY BURNED DOWN, AND NO ATTEMPT WAS MADE TO RESTART PRODUCTION. NEW FADS CAME ALONG AND KIDS SOON FORGOT THEM.
Panel 6:
Laidlaw, lit by the glow of his computer monitor, looking at the scrap of paper he’s stolen from the house. It’s a shipping order of the kind you might get after buying something from Ebay, with addresses for the sender and recipient.
Caption: CRAZY DOLL COLLECTORS, ON THE OTHER HAND, NEVER FORGET. THERE’S A TON OF DEMAND FOR THE THINGS ONLINE.
Caption: IT’S A PITY MY FOLKS THREW OUT ALL MY SISTER’S OLD STUFF AFTER SHE DIED IN HER SLEEP. HER ONE WOULD HAVE BEEN WORTH A PACKET.
Laidlaw: HMMM…
LINK: ‘THE HAUNTED DOLL THAT DROVE THE DOOMED ACTRESS TO HER GRAVE.’ YEAH, THAT SOUNDS BANKABLE.
Panel 7:
Close in on the top of the piece of paper – we can see the words “SHIPPING ORDER” and “PEA PATCH PODLING (1)” and the top of an address, “WILLIAM GOTHARD, BIGGLESWADE, BEDFORDSHIRE”.
Laidlaw (offpanel): WORTH CHANCING A THAMESLINK RETURN TICKET ON, ANYWAY. HERE’S HOPING THAT YOU’RE SOME KIND OF TOTAL FREAK, MR WILLIAM GOTHARD OF BIGGLESWADE, BEDFORDSHIRE…
Page 3:
Panel 1:
Exterior of the Benavide house. It’s a dark and stormy night, and lighting splits the sky.
Panel 2:
Large panel. Inside the doll room. Ms. Emerson is climbing a rickety looking ladder to reach a top shelf of particularly ornate looking dolls. In one hand she holds a sack.
Ms Emerson: A PITTANCE THAN MAN GIVES ME, FOR SPILLING SECRETS I’VE HELD FOR YEARS! I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN NEVER TO TRUST A MEMBER OF THE YELLOW PRESS!
LINK: I’VE NO CHOICE NOW, HAVE I? I HAVE TO SELL A FEW OF THE CHOICER ITEMS TO MAKE UP THE SHORTFALL, WON’T I?
Panel 3:
The glassy gaze of a pea-patch podling. Perhaps the ladder is reflected in its eyes.
Ms Emerson (from offpanel, up): YOU’LL DO… AND YOU…
Panel 4:
The room goes dark! The panel is almost entirely black, but we can just about make out the outline of Ms. Emerson, lit by the dim light from outside, as she clings to the top of the ladder, hand frozen as it was reaching for a doll.
Ms Emerson: HUH? WHO TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS?
LINK: I CAN HEAR SOMEONE THERE, DON’T THINK I CAN’T!
Panel 5:
Black panel – this one’s all going to be in the sound effects.
BLN NO TAIL: AAAAAAHHH – !
Panel 6:
Lit by a square of light from the window as lightning flashes, Ms. Emerson lies sprawled on the floor, neck clearly broken.
Panel 7:
Daylight. Laidlaw is approaching the door of a country cottage with roses outside.
Caption: BIGGLESWADE. WHAT A QUAINT SOUNDING PLACE NAME. FROM THE OUTSIDE OF THE COTTAGE I’M EXPECTING OUR MR GOTHARD TO BE A CHARMING COUNTRY ECCENTRIC…
Page 4:
Panel 1:
The darkened interior of the house, looking towards the doorway, which Laidlaw is pushing open. What we can see of the house is filthy, with garbage piled up. Something has been scrawled on the walls.
Caption: THEN THE DOOR SWINGS OPEN AS I KNOCK AND I THINK ‘MAYBE NOT’…
Laidlaw: HELLO?
Panel 2:
A half naked knife wielding maniac jumps out at Laidlaw, knocking him to the ground. The maniac has slash marks on his arms and is missing several fingers, is unshaven and is so skinny his ribs show. In the background we can see the wall scrawlings more clearly: Crude images of dolls – some hold knives, some are being stabbed at with knives.
Maniac: I WON’T LET YOU TAKE IT! I WON’T LET YOU TAKE MY SOUL!
Caption: ‘TOP JOURNALIST KILLED BY CHARMING COUNTRY ECCENTRIC.’ NOT THE BEST OF POSSIBLE HEADLINES.
Panel 3:
Laidlaw shoves the maniac back, and the maniac smacks his head against a piece of furniture.
Laidlaw: S-STAY BACK!
SFX: KRAK
Panel 4:
Laidlaw stands over the maniac, who is now sprawled on the floor, eyes rolled up to look at the top of his head, dead.
Laidlaw: CRAP.
Caption: ‘CHARMING COUNTRY ECCENTRIC SLAIN BY NOSEY JOURNO SCUM’ ISN’T ENTIRELY WITHOUT PROBLEMS EITHER.
Panel 5:
Laidlaw in a police interrogation room, being grilled by cops.
Caption: THINGS DON’T GET ANY BETTER AT THE POLICE STATION. MS EMERSON HAD BEEN FOUND WITH HER NECK BROKEN AND MY ADDRESS AND PHONE NUMBER IN HER POCKET.
Panel 6:
Back in Laidlaw’s apartment. A flustered Laidlaw, with a bulky package underneath one arm, rushes to pick up a ringing telephone on the desk next to his computer. It’s the kind that has a little base station that has a wire plugged into the wall, and a cordless phone handset that you can pick up out of it.
Caption: IT’S LATE THE NEXT DAY BEFORE I GET BACK HOME. I ALMOST TRIP OVER SOME STUPID PARCEL SOMEONE HAS SENT ME ON THE WAY IN, AND THE PHONE IS RINGING OFF THE HOOK…
Panel 7:
Laidlaw holds the handset up to his ear.
Jag From Phone: GOOD NEWS! THE AUTOPSY CAME BACK AND IT SHOWED THAT GOTHARD’S HEART HAD GIVEN OUT – NOTHING TO DO WITH THE BLOW TO THE HEAD. COULD HAVE HAPPENED AT ANY TIME, HIS BODY WAS TOTALLY EMACIATED.
Page 5:
Panel 1:
Laidlaw is pacing as he talks on the phone. He kicks an empty cardboard box out of the way – it’s the packaging from the parcel he had earlier. That’s funny, we didn’t see him open it did we?
Jag From Phone: THERE’S MORE. EMERSON’S DEATH HAS BEEN RULED AN ACCIDENT, SO YOU’RE OFF THE HOOK FOR THAT – >CLICK!<
Laidlaw: HELLO? HELLO?
Panel 2:
Laidlaw bends down to look under his desk, reaching for the socket where the phone cord plugs into the wall. Unseen by him the Pea Patch Podling doll is standing behind him.
Laidlaw: WHAT THE – ? HOW DID THAT GET UNPLUGGED?
Panel 3:
The doll leaps onto Laidlaw and loops the cord phone cord around his neck, choking him.
Laidlaw: ACCHHH!
Panel 4:
The doll sits astride Laidlaw, looking down into his face as it continues choking him.
Doll (wobbly): YESSS… STRUGGLE. YOUR SISTER DID, YEARS AGO, WITH A PILLOW OVER HER FACE.
LINK: FUNNY THAT I SHOULD FIND MY WAY TO YOU OF ALL PEOPLE… AN ACCIDENT OF SYMBOLOGY, A SIGIL, AND A SEMBLANCE OF AN IDENTITY GAVE ME A TOEHOLD IN EXISTENCE, BUT YOUR SISTER’S ADULATION LENT ME THE PORTION OF HER SOUL I NEEDED TO LIVE…
Panel 5:
The doll leans forward and swallows a stream of glowing gas that emanates from Laidlaw’s mouth – it’s his soul!
Doll (wobbly): I SAY ‘LENT’… OF COURSE, ONCE I HAD TASTED IT I HAD TO TAKE IT FOR MYSELF. TAKE IT, LIKE I TAKE YOURS! AND SO SOON I WILL BE COMPLETE!
Caption: AND THEN MY VIEW CHANGES, AND I’M NOT ME ANYMORE. I’M THE HORRIBLE LITTLE CREATURE THAT ATTACKED ME, AND I’M CONTEMPLATING HOW TO COVER ITS TRACES.
Caption: ‘TABLOID JOURNALIST FOUND DEAD IN AUTOEROTIC SEX GAME’? OH, YOU VILE LITTLE SHIT.
Panel 6:
The doll climbs up into a chair and seats itself in front of the computer, which is currently displaying the Dollhaus website.
Caption: MY THOUGHTS BECOME FUZZY… MY IDENTITY BLURRING AT THE EDGES… I’M HOPPING UP TO THE COMPUTER TO FIND OUT MY NEXT DESTINATION….
Panel 7:
Small panel. Extreme close up of the screen. A mouse pointer is clicking on a link that reads “REPLY”.
Caption: A FEW CLICKS OF THE MOUSE, AN EXCHANGE OF EMAILS, AND I’LL BE ON MY WAY…
DTP: THE END
